Mom has changed her tune because of Junior's pouting and anger (or maybe because of her hatred for her husband). Changing your tune is not in accordance with Proverb 19:18 which states: Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Whether mom or dad is the one who changes tunes as the result of the "crying" of his/her child, the wrong message is being sent to and received by the child. And that message is, as you might have guessed, that once the child makes a loud enough or strong enough noise, one of the parents will break down and the child no longer must do whatever it is s/he does not want to do.

Any marriage is likely to experience arguments, but the arguments must be stifled and held back until the kids are out of earshot. If an argument does happen in front of the kids, hugs of apology between parents must be done freely in front of the same kids who had to listen to the argument and not wait until behind closed doors. Further, one parent must absolutely not independently change the type or severity of the corrective taps once both parents have agreed on the type and severity of the corrective taps. If an agreement between both parents on the type and severity of taps from the rod of correction cannot be reached, Parenting With Love And Logic teaches whichever tap that represents the strongest position should be the tap used.






A small child left alone, literally, will not survive. Abandonment of kids and throwing newborn babies in trash bins seem to be popular nowadays. Mothers/Fathers who just don't want to take care of their kid(s) seem more prone than ever to simply dispose of the child(ren) in the most convenient means available. Abortion is one of the options legally available. Stranding the child in the woods, although not legal, is yet another choice some parents have made. Leaving the child(ren) with the local child welfare office is another means available for parents to abandon their kid(s). Whether left in a garbage bin or the woods, the abandoned small child or infant will die from starvation or exposure. Although death by abortion is not starvation in the truest sense, it might as well be since the baby is deprived of life! While leaving a child with the welfare office is certainly a more humane way of abandoning the child, s/he still feels the hunger and emptiness left by the separation.

An older child or teen left alone in the pit of the gang, of drug experimentation or addiction, or crime, of homosexuality, or any one of the hundreds of social, emotional, and behavioral pits may also starve: starve from lack of clean and wholesome life and righteous spiritual care. Anyone who has seen or counseled these victims has at least an idea of the starvation they suffer. Psalm 68:6 says ...but the rebellious live in a dry land. The pits of drug addiction, crime, and especially a life without Jesus are certainly "dry lands;" dry (empty) of righteous direction, goals, purpose, and true love. The "love" found in these pits is very conditional: conditional on whether the child does as the pitmaster bids. If the child does as the pitmaster bids, the pitmaster "loves" the child. If the child does not do as the pitmaster bids, the pitmaster discards the child. These dry lands cannot "feed" the inhabitants. And there seems to be a strong relationship of childhood rebellion with drug use, crime, social perversion, and abuse of subsequent generations.

There is a terrible emptiness in starvation in these dry lands. And there is no earthly sustenance available in these pits to fill the emptiness. There may be a "quick fix" to fill some of the emptiness but the emptiness returns, and much deeper than before. The richness and wholeness everyone needs are not available in these pits, but are available in God's unconditional love and in His love through parents.

Starvation does not have to come from the lack of physical and material necessities. We must also ensure our children are "fed" the body and blood of Jesus. If the child is deprived of these spiritual needs, s/he may suffer a spiritual death for which the earthly father is responsible!

Predators swarm every street corner, bar, and alley. Predators are also abundant at school, at the skating rink, and even at church. Each predator is ready to swallow up and consume your child, indeed, anyone's child: to take the child into the pit dug by the predator to serve him/her and his/her master. A predator may be

• the guy down the street who wears a long coat in hot weather
  
  
• the guy who sells watches and stereos real cheap from the trunk of his car
  
  
• the lady next door who doesn't mind if a little too much skin shows
  
  
• the shifty-eyed dude who tells you your tire is flat
  
  
• that poor fella who just needs a ride...anywhere
  
  
• the kid in the locker room who gives your child free of charge a harmless little something jus' to take the edge off the pain or jus' to feel good
  
  
• that strange woman two streets over who always wears black whose kids put strange symbols on their stuff
  
  
• the peer or relative who says SECRET things to your child
  
  
• the aunt or uncle who likes to snuggle with little Sissy...with all of Sissy
  
  
• the aunt or uncle who likes to snuggle with little Bubba...with all of Bubba
  
  
• the guy/gal who says God is dead

As parents we must, absolutely must, be ready to recognize any of these and a zillion other predators and to quickly lower our rod to our children to snare them up from the predator's pit.

Your weapons against these predators are God's protection ...thy rod and thy staff they comfort me [Psalm 23:4]), your love for your child, and the police. God put police on the planet to help you lift your children from the predator's pit. Use the police or other legal authority freely and without fear of reprisal from the predator. If the predator thinks s/he can intimidate you into inaction or apathy, s/he will never leave your child alone. Fear not what your acts to protect or rescue your child(ren) will do to the predator. The predator is not concerned with the well-being of your children so you must be strong and willing to get involved. While we each must possess the spirit of forgiveness, the predator must accept the consequences of his/her acts, for s/he will be dealt with, either by God alone or by God and the police. One way or another, the predator will learn the wrongness of his/her evil ways either now, while on the Earth, or in judgement which, by the way, is not ours to give: Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, saith the Lord [Romans 12:19].






Only when defiance is more pleasant to the child than the consequences are unpleasant must you use "a little extra stout tap." An example of an extra stout tap would be requiring the stubborn child to repeat a poorly performed chore until s/he gets it right.......


...it provides amazing results. Each repetition of a chore is a from the rod of correction. And likewise is the "GOOD JOB!" a tap from the rod of correction. Giving your children taps of support and esteem is just as important as giving them righteous correctional taps. While using the rod to tap the errant child back onto the correct path, be very careful that your taps are not so severe that they push your child off the other side of the path. The wise parent uses the rod of correction righteously. The wise parent never uses the rod of correction to cause physical, emotional, or spiritual injury.

Injuries usually leave scars. Scars in human tissue are deformed tissue and serve as reminders of the trauma that caused the scars. Scars in the child's emotions and spirit may serve as reminders of the trauma that caused them. Children find it hard to forget (and even harder forgive) trauma that leave emotional and spiritual scars. The child in the above cartoon may never get the room as clean as the dad (or mom) would like it, but don't push discipline to the point where correctional taps leave scars.






The sheep come to know that the shepherd uses his rod only when it is necessary. Specifically, when they need to go a different direction, whenthey need to start moving in a specific direction, or when they must stop whatever it is they are doing. Soon they understand the shepherd uses his rod out of love and never for selfish or unrighteous reasons. Eventually the sheep understand that when they feel the correctional rod, it is for their own good. Likewise your children should come to understand that your fair correctional and supportive taps are for their own good.

Kids need and want guidance and direction. While few adolescents will admit it, they want discipline and truly understand the need for it. Chaos and disorder, the offspring of defiance and rebellion, are not in accordance with God's will and are inherently unpleasant. Humans do not want chaos and disorder, they want discipline and order. And providing early guidance and direction will indeed lead kids away from chaos and disorder onto the right path. Providing righteous consistent guidance and direction will keep them on the right path.

Whether sheep truly understand what is happening as the shepherd beats off predators with his rod, the sheep soon realize they have nothing to fear as long as the shepherd is near. Likewise, once your kids see that you won't stand idly by while the predators try to consume them, your kids will understand that you are a source of protection for them: a source they can trust.

As time progresses all these pieces and parts of the puzzle of parenting come together very neatly into a picture of love and protection, into a picture of security, as long as you use the rod of correction early, consistently, and wisely, and as long as both parents are completely together in the type and severity of discipline and in love.



COMMENTS:

I have used only a few examples of corrective taps in this article and I have seemingly drifted between age groups -- this was for a reason. There is no single tap which works best for any particular child. Also, what works well for one age group will not likely work well for another age group. Further, even if a particular correctional tap works for a male child, it may not work for a female child of the same age. And a tap that works for one errant situation may not work for another errant situation. It is up to the dedicated and prudent parent to find the correctional taps which work best for each of his/her children individually.

Each of the example correctional taps I've used in this article are of the non-physical type. Other taps have been and are used by some people, e.g., spanking. Physical correctional taps may work with some children, but may cause other children to react negatively with hate and rebellion, especially children in the teenage and late pre-teen years. Physical punishment of late pre-teens and older is typically ineffective and inappropriate. If you must use physical punishment, use a light swat on the behind, about the same amount of swat you would use to swat a mosquito, and only for children younger than late pre-teen and who are old enough to understand and use "Yes" and "No." It doesn't have to be painful to be a spanking. A message is sent whether it stings or not.

Some professional and paraprofessional groups define spanking a child as "hitting" the child. I do not necessarily agree. When I was hit as a child, it was when one of my schoolmates connected his fist forcibly with my face, or when my older sister used her fist to get from me what she wanted. My parents spanked me, and I deserved spankings (especially the time I was 8 years old and set fire to a field of grass next to a shed with dynamite in it -- I never again played with matches). Yeah, my parents spanked me, but they never "hit" or "beat" me. While spankings worked very well for me, I do not condone physical punishment. The fiber of life is just not the same as it was when I was a child, thus the correctional techniques of yesteryear may not fit in today's system of human values. Whomever does use physical punishment, both parents absolutely must be completely together and unified in the type and severity of physical punishment. Emotional reactions of the child to physical punishment are of a different nature and magnitude than the emotional reactions to non-physical punishment. The heightened stressful reaction to physical punishment added to polarization between parents in front of the kids may have irreparable and devastating effects on the child and how s/he feels about you and him/herself.

I've said it a number of times and it is worth repeating; both parents must, absolutely must, be completely together in discipline of their child(ren). There absolutely cannot be any polarization or arguing about the discipline in front of the kids. Nor can there be any double standards. Such bitterness and acidic emotions as you have never seen in your child can surface under the influence of polarized parents. The acidic emotions caused by polarized parents can be severely magnified by using double standards. And your child(ren) will have to take these feelings with him/her wherever s/he goes -- and it is not your child(ren)'s fault, it's your fault!

I could fill reams of paper with additional suggestions of what to do and what not to do regarding correctional and supportive taps, but each would be at best a guess for your child as are the suggestions herein. It is not possible within the scope of this article to tell you how much arrogance is defiance or how much defiance is rebellion. No one can know your child as well as you, and no one can know your home life as well as you. Many professionals can help by applying the "average," the "average of averages," the "most expected," and the "based on observation, data, and findings" to your particular situation, but none of them can know your home as well as they who live in it. It is up to you to find the best and most effective technique of administering supportive and correctional . And Jesus can help you find the best methods in the most effective way in the most timely manner. Pray on this matter, then listen to your heart as you ponder or apply correctional taps. He may be telling you to "stop," or He may say "you're doing fine." He may even take advantage of the professionals He put here and tell you to "get help." If you find yourself down to your last nerve and your child is on it, seek professional help.

If you do get professional help, you must be open, honest, and accurate with the professional. The professionals cannot know your child(ren) or your home life as well as you. You must describe it and describe it well and above all, accurately without change from the way it really is. Don't try to smell like a rose if you are covered with vinegar. And don't try to pour vinegar on those who smell like a rose. If the professionals can get a solid and accurate description of how it is at home, they can fine tune the "averages" and change them to "almost absolutes" to give you the best solution available. But it is up to you to make it open, honest, and accurate.

While all reputable professional guidance or counselling providers have much to offer, I recommend you first seek guidance or counselling from a Christian-based source, whether the source be from the clergy or from a commercial provider. In cases where a medical condition may be the cause of your child's defiance or rebellion, professional services are trained to recognize the need for medical help.

I assumed the parents reading this material do not abuse their children: that each parent is justified in administering correctional measures and in the severity of the measures.

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There are many other references in the Bible about beating disobedient or errant children with a rod. If, after reading this, you still to chose to interpret "beat" and "rod" literally, I remind you of the perfect wisdom of Jesus as he dealt with the men who wanted to stone the prostitute to death: He said "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Let me follow His example and say "Let he (or she) who is without sin strike the first blow." It is a humbling and sobering reality, isn't it?

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DICTIONARY

This dictionary is not intended to be used instead of or to replace legal terms or to settle disputes. Its only purpose is to aid in the understanding of material in this article. Any conflict or differences between the provided definitions of these terms and definitions of the same terms provided in published dictionary(ies) will give way to the definitions provided in the published dictionary(ies)

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